Whhyyy won’t you employ me!?

“After carefully considering your application, we’re sorry to tell you that we will not be processing your application any further. We wish you all the best of luck for the future”

Reading those words even now still makes me want to reach out and violently punch the computer screen!  Finding that very first job; an employer who would accept me for all my young flaws was probably one of the hardest tasks that I ever had to do. Most employers wouldn’t even take a second glance at my application form if that dreaded “employment history” section wasn’t filled. I was faced with rejection, after rejection, after rejection and that was when I was lucky! Most of the time, they didn’t even bother replying. One thing that I felt was unfair was the fact that some employers would give me a sense of false hope by stating on the job description that they weren’t looking for “people with previous experience” just “people with personality, enthusiasm etc. etc” and then later send me an email saying “sorry we’ve found someone with more retail experience than you.” I’d have rather they said that they found someone with a better personality than mine. Another thing that really got to me, although I understand why they did this, was the fact that most employers want employees with previous experience, and ‘exceptional’ sales skills, HOW CAN I POSSIBLY GET THAT EXPERIENCE IF NO ONE IS WILLING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE?

Looking for a job really made me look at myself, and it bought out different emotions in me, some I didn’t  even want to know I had. Emotions such as jealously, instead of joy when one of my friends managed to get a job after only applying to that one job. Those friends were one of the major things that made everything seem worse when I was applying. It felt like almost everyone I knew could get a job almost instantly, while I was the only one left without one. I had had this ignorant thought that I would be able to get a job as soon as I was 16. I had taken part in various volunteer opportunities, club activities etc, never got anything below a B in school and I felt assured of getting a job. However when I was applying, the job offer well was dry, while  one after another it felt like my friends, who I love dearly, but who rarely left the comfort of their own homes, or bothered with anyone or anything managed to bullshit themselves into a job.

While job searching, I also went through periods of slight self loathing and a feeling of failure. Although at 16, getting a job shouldn’t have been an absolute life or death situation as I could still rely on my parents and didn’t have any debts to pay, it really became a mission, an addiction and I felt that in order to step into the ‘adult world’ I needed a job and that first pay check that I had earned with my own hands. I also began to worry that if I couldn’t get that first job while I was still young, how would I ever get a job at all? I used to describe the feeling as  like a woman nearing menopause, trying to find a man to have her baby with before it’s too late. Would anyone ever employ me? Would my possible future employer/ interviewer for a job when I’m out of university judge me because I haven’t had my first job? Would all my friends look down on me because I’m the only one left with my Saturdays free?

Although I would never want to go through job searching again –but I will probably have to at some point in the future- what I didn’t realise at the time was that I actually learnt a lot of skills from the search, and it really was just a test of endurance, perseverance and patience. A weird twist on the idea that “greatness comes to those who wait.” The harsh truth is, you can’t just expect a job to fall on your lap, you have to work for it and that can take months, just over a year, or even years, but if you’re not willing to be patient it might not happen. I read once…or possibly made it up….that there was a woman who went to over 50 job interviews before she finally got a job! That just goes to show that it will happen eventually if you PUT THE TIME IN!  One mistake that happens when we start looking for a job is once we click ‘apply for vacancy’, we instantly thing we’ve got the job, in the early days of my applying I had this bizarre illusion in my mind that convinced me that I had the job in the bag just by looking at the vacancy. Those perceptions are just literally preparing to enhance that major fall when we don’t hear back from them.